Hey girlies!!! StelloGirl Rachael here, and I’ve got a CONFESSION to make.
I have a HUGE problem with apologizing. Like fer real, it’s out of control.
OKAY so I had a MAD epiphany the other day. It all started when I went out on a friendsdate with my GURLZZZZ the other night, dinner and a movie – classic, right !?! We decided to hit up this new Sushi place CUZ WHO DON’T LOVE SUSHI!? When we sat down, I noticed all the girls had cups of water sitting by their plates BUT me. So I politely said to the waiter, “I’m sorry, could I get some water please?” He nodded and left.
Fast forward twenty minutes later, we have our apps but NO WATER. And I was THIRSTAYYYYYY …. But I didn’t want the waiter to think I was rude or uber impatient or something. So I sat quietly, sipping on my friends water. The girls urged me to speak up, so the next time the waiter walked by I said, “Hi I’m sorry, I was just wondering if you had a chance to get me some water?” One of my friends looked over and asked me why I was sorry when HE was the one who hadn’t brought out the water after I asked twice already and then …. BOOM- EPIPHANY. I. Apologize. Way. Too. Much.
And it doesn’t only apply to Sushi – I realized I APOLOGIZE for EVERYTHING. Someone bumps into me in the hallway, and I blurt out “SORRY!” When I send an email? “Sorry to bother you but ….!” The other day I got on an elevator and literally APOLOGIZED to the person standing in there when I walked in. Like … WHAT !?!?!? All I do all day is say sorry, sorry,
SORRY. I ACTUALLY bumped into a chair last week and APOLOGIZED TO THE CHAIR.
Just like TONS of other women, I tend to undermine what I say, prefacing questions with “I was just wondering” or “I’m not sure if this is right but…” even when I AM sure that it’s right! AND TRUST ME – IT’S RIGHT – 99% of what I say is accurate …. I be like a walking GOOGLE 😉
I guess it’s like I don’t want to come off as cocky, rude, or annoying! What is THAT about?! I don’t have to apologize for someone else’s mistake, or for asking questions, or for having an opinion or for … simply EXISTING! I spend SOOOO much energy worrying about how other people are perceiving me, when I shouldn’t be! Saying sorry as much as I do and in the context that I do is just a way to make myself seem smaller, less imposing, and more likable. The thing is, I don’t see many men having to face the same issue. It’s this weird culture of ours that encourages women to feel ashamed for taking up space!! Well I’m NOT gonna take it anymore! I’m DONE apologizing. I’m not going to be sorry for speaking my mind, and being confident! I’m not going to be sorry for the things that I’m good at. And I’m DEF going to own MY space, because I’m a STELLOGIRL <3 ! #STELLONOTSORRY xox – Rachael